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one heart one way...
my downfall...
my pictures

June 17th, 2009

06:54 pm - thoughts
So, from now on, you're going to be asked unique questions, you ready?

Explain what triggered your last kiss?
a long evening of drinking. and randomly running into him.

What do you want for your birthday?
just to be back in vegas for the week. i need my friends.

Ever kissed someone who's name starts with an "R" or "S"?
rob. of course.

When's the last time you said you were okay, but really weren't?
this afternoon.

When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?
last night at midnight, and it was my mother.

Is there anyone who doesn't like you?
oh im sure

Do you consider yourself lucky?
that i have a roof over my head and a family that loves me, yes. other ways - no.

Have you ever been awake for 2 days straight?
welcome to las vegas.

Are you mad at someone right now?
not really.

Who did you spend your summer with last year?
not the most important friends, but ones that will do just fine.

Did you say "Me gusta sally parker" today?
um. no

Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?
albany. its just a wife beater.

Are you happy?
not entirely.

Do you miss anyone?
always. every day of my life.

Do you believe ex's can be friends?
after 3 years.  and 3000 miles in between you.
Who was the last person you took a picture with?
probably joey or jen.

Is anything bothering you?
of course.

Where was the last place you fell asleep other than your own bed?
the couch. in the living room.

What are you craving at the moment?

What is more important in a relationship, happiness or trust?
trust. but you need them both.

What do you hear?
birds outside and the televison.

Did the last person you kiss have tattoos?

Have a best friend?
a handful.

Are you in a good mood right now?
it could be worse.

Did the one person who hurt you the most in your life apologize?
no. and i dont think he ever will because he'll never realize he hurt me the most.

Do you want kids?
i guess someday. thats apparently what youre supposed to do so ..

Do you think that you have made a difference in someones life?
i definitely think i have.

Does the last person who texted you make you smile?
all the time. even though hes a complete lunatic.

Is there someone who had made a difference in your life?
theres quite a few someones who have made a difference in my life.

When is the last time you cried?
last night. it was just a mixture of things.

Will this weekend be a good one?
umm. it could turn out to be..

Have you ever licked the back of a CD to try to get it to work?
no but ive licked the tip of a pen so i could get more inl.

Have you ever had a crush on a teacher?
i have. mr. murdoch. everyone did in 12th grade.

Have you ever peed in public?
all the time. just last week in the City.

Do you walk around the house naked/in your underwear?
i do it every night, as long as my father is at work.

Would you rather be blind or deaf?
blind. i need to hear what people are saying about me.

What do you do as soon as you walk in the house?
put on a wife beater and some sweatpants.

Do you like horror or comedy?

Where do you want to live when you are old?
i have no idea. i always thought i did, but i dont. the country, or the beach. or Vail. i dont know.

What did you dream last night?
i dont know. i cant remember.

Are you named after anyone?
i think someone off the soap operas back in the day.

Have you ever caught a fish?
every summer!

Who can make you feel better in a difficult situation?
someone important to me.

What color are your eyes?
blue or grey. depends on the weater.

Do you think any of your ex's will eventually want to be with you again?
i dont know ... i really dont know.

Have you ever fallen asleep in someone's arms?
not in a very long time.

What was the reason why you and your last relationship didn't work?
he was a stalker. plain and simple. please dont drive by my house, thats in the woods, at 2 am and tell me youre here for me. weird.

Last person that hugged you?
probably my ma.

Are you in a complicated relationship?
ughhh .. not really but yes.

Who was the last person you said I love you to:
my mom.

Have you ever had mono?

Are you good at hiding your feelings?
too good. i should be more open.
Current Location: the country
Current Mood: sleepysleepy
Current Music: justin nozuka

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February 5th, 2009

11:19 am

my tooth is killing me :(    i guess i should probably see the dentist, like yesterday, but..

TOMORROW AFTERNOON!!!! yay!!  a weekend in the City with a couple friends, celebrating some birthdays and catching up.. and what a wonderful place to do it in!!
Current Mood: excitedexcited
Current Music: ryan adams

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March 19th, 2008

02:30 pm - i AM alive!!!

wow ... so itll be 9 months to the day tomorrow that i havent posted.  holy crap. ive been in new york 8 months.. over 8 months ... its amazing. i wanted to be back here soo desperately, but i never took into consideration what i would be leaving behind in las vegas....  now im heading towards the year mark out here, and it just has a.) FLOWN by .. but b.) doesnt seem to be what i truly wanted. 
its hard to go day after day without Holly or desi by my side, and its hard to not be able to just get in the car and go to their houses, or hang out with the ladies from work.. or clay and plamen. its just really difficult, and i never imagined it would be.
i also failed to realize that when i got here, back to ny, that things would be different - by 5 years. just because i left doesnt mean the world of Utica NY stopped spinning. people went on with their daily lives and grew up and so on and so forth ... we all grew apart. 
july and august were a huge blurr (1 r or 2? hmm..) i worked for liek a month, and then decided that i felt the necessity to not work anymore, went to Boston to visit michael, and never returned back to work. how much do i love boston?? too much. but thats another entry all in itself, my monthly trips to boston.  ... i started dating a kid i went to high school with that just moved back upstate from Long Island .. and it was interesting.  we just recently broke up, about a month ago, and it was a terrible awkward very not good break up .. and i think thats why im starting to feel down and out about everything ... the relationship itself was great, just ... i think theres more things swirling around in his head than he cares to let on about ...  
so now its pretty much his 2 best friends are my 2 closest guy friends out here, and its an awkward position im in.  but did you expect me to not hang out with the people that ive been hanging out with for the past 7 months just because you and i broke up?  and  the 2 guys ive known for god knows how long .. so .. whatever. he makes my blood boil because he knows thats hes wrong, and i know that he knows it too. 
other than blah blah blahing about blah blah blahs ... i just wanted to let everyone know that i am alive, i am still awaiting the house to be done, and will be returning to Vegas May 1st for the weekend!!!!! i cant wait :) 

Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: leona lewis - bleeding love
Tags: ,

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June 20th, 2007

07:46 pm - homeward bound

wow... so we're packing up my bedroom and the garage tonite... its so strange that in one week just about, ill be out of here. 5 years, so fast .... i feel like theres so much left for me to do, but there really isnt. 

i mapquested the directions to utica this morning at work, found a couple pet-friendly hotels along the way because we'll have petey ... its just so surreal. im happy though, i cant lie. i really and truly am SO happy to get home and start the next chapter of my life. im definitely not vegas material, im too east coast ;) ..... 

i am so thankful though, for everything that i have gone through out here. everyone that i met, everything that happened... its just so wonderful to have met and done what ive done. ive been on more vacations and been to more states and countries in 5 years than half my family has been on put together. im a VERY lucky girl.

and who knows.. maybe in a year and a half when i graduate college .... ill be back out here, but in LA :)

Current Mood: nostalgicnostalgic
Current Music: frank sinatra

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February 19th, 2007

04:45 pm - long time coming
soo ... im moving back to new york!!!!! im leaving around the first of july. i can NOT wait!!!! sure im going to miss my friends and stuff out here, but ... ive learned that i cant live without my family, and refuse to miss out on them any longer :) we just ripped up all the carpet in the front room and the living room and are laying flooring down this week. once thats done, the house is basically a-ok, so we're putting it on the market. mom and me and dad are leaving!!! THANK GOD!! we finally talked to my dad about it a few weeks back, and he said he was 100% ok with going back. awesome. it'll be nice to get done with college FINALLY and do something with myself instead of drink and party and surround myself with drama:)

speaking of drama ... so aaron broke up with me because of paramedic school... that it took up too much time and he felt bad blah  blah blah .... wellllll guess what - he's "talking" to some new girl. lmao, its just so lame. like we're in 7th grade ... you couldve been honest and were like i just dont want to be with you .. that wouldve stung LESS than finding out on myspace that youre hooking up with some 19 year old and shes FUCKING UGLY .. like im not that mean of a person, but this bitch is ugly as fuck. she really is. and it really makes me feel bad to say that but, homegirl really is. she has scorpion tattoo on her ASS CHEEK. classy broad. really. KLASSSSSY.  so over it. it just fucking makes me so damn angry because i look like such an idiot! oh well. :) 

on a better note .. ive been seeing this guy lazaro that i work with for a while now... hes such a nice guy, and im happy. it just sucks because im leaving. he knows, hes very aware of it, and still cool with it.  he talks about coming to NY all the time ... to live? we'll see. i am not holding my breath any longer.

went to see Katt Williams last night at the Hard Rock... funny as fuccccck. oh my god. i never laughed so hard in my life. that guy is well worth the $100 hahaha ... laz bought 2 drinks, a beer and a vodka soda i think, shit cost him $29 ... he never EVER hits the strip so he wasnt really ready for a tab that high ... shouldve seen his face. soooo funny!!

julie and i are back on the fast track to speaking. its actually nice. i emailed her the other day because i really dont want burnt bridges when im in new york, especially with someone who i care that much for ... so she emailed me back, everythings copacetic really. and im happy.

anyone ever had their 90lb pitbull flown across the country?? if youve had any animals flown... let me know, we're trying to find a fliight for Petey ... but its not working, and im nervous because hes such an excited dog ... hmm.

that is all :)

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December 30th, 2006

12:55 pm - i want to be a part of it ..


til next monday. best new years evar?? i think so. 

i love this place.

and it hasnt stopped snowing for 5 hours. thank goodness. :)

Current Music: frank sinatra

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December 13th, 2006

01:32 am - some girls just dont learn

so i know i shouldnt be living in onlineworld, but i am for the time being. here i am... surfing myspace, and i happen to go on Aarons page. well there was this girl back on ... halloween? he mustve went to high school with her, anyways - so she leaves this comment like - "hey my sexy paramedic, blah blah blah oh a girlfriend? why didnt i know? blah blah blah if i dont see you soon i might DIE love and miss you" . now whatevs - thats fine, i have friends from high school in new york that leave me little things like i love you and miss you but nothing like sexy blah blah blahs. so i was like what the fuck ever, and i let it slide. (i just wrote a comment over it with something like baby, blah blah blah <3, real mature i know) so then .. she writes him another one the other day and its like "ok i just died. love and miss!" and then tooooday shes like "miss you BOO" . NOW WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT NECESSARY FOR??? there is no need for you to go and call my (what you still think is) boyfriend BOO, and sexy and all kinds of fucked up shit like that. i am in no mood for dumb bitches and their not willing to completely read someones profile. it CLEARLY is stated he is in a relationship and BAM there is a more than lovely picture of the two of us hugging with a "i like her" sort of caption below it. STEP OFF. i cant do anything but feel like i want to strangle this girl. and i dont even know her.
its just because theres so much unanswered stuff between aaron and i. i talked to him for like 3.4 seconds yesterday, over text messages non the less, his favorite mode of communication lately, and i asked him if there was another girl. ive just been feeling kinda funky lately like there might/may have been one. and hes like i cant believe youd even remotely think that, why would you say that, i made the decision i made for a reason - so of course, over analytical me thinks ok - hes probably just saying this all because he really does like me, and hes just so stressed with school that he was basically forced to break up with me, and once schools over in a few months he'll come back to me. which, hey, i have no freakin clue, ya know? its all a possibility .. but then for this dumb motherfucker to have to be a snatch and write gay ass comments like that ... i mean i dont know. ive known the kid for 2 years, have been seeing him since before May, and never once EVER heard this girls name mentioned. ... so why all of a sudden now? and its not like hes commented her back, or even emailed her - she does this all on her own accord. .. like what the fuck is up with her mind?? do you not THINK before you write?? learn to. 
like i said, im just in no mood for unnecessary girl drama. not at all. and if i see her on the street, not gonna lie - my new york italian anger WILL surface. 
speaking of new york... i just cant freakin wait to get there in 2 weeks. i need this more than anyone knows. my family is my world, and i currently ned my world, badly. i like how i just run away from my problems, like when i get back from new york to HORRIBLE vegas, this craps not gonna be here. ... way to wear my rose colored glasses.
i just want my boyfriend back. and i want him back right now. i love him. and im pretty sure, this time around (not like rob). he loves me back. 

My poor lj, so sad. it hasnt had any happy thoughts in it for a while. BOOOOOOOOO


Current Mood: irateirate
Current Music: dashboard

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October 24th, 2006

09:56 pm
i just want to put it out there that i hate paramedic school already. the only good thing to come from this is that i dont have to shave my legs as much as i did when i actually got to SEE my boyfriend.
only 7 1/2 more months of him studying so much and doing all kinds of insane hours of work ... i can handle it. ... i think.

Current Mood: grumpygrumpy
Current Music: sex and the city

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October 6th, 2006

07:48 pm - <3
yay! one more day til six flags. i am so excited to spend this weekend with Aaron ... so excited :) i love being with him. everything about him is so exciting to me. ... !!!

so i went to see The Guardian wed. night and it was pretty good. a little heart wrenching but good. 

my teacher just up and cancelled a class of mine. without anything. and its one of the ones i need to fcking graduate!! another semester in college. ill be in school until im a senior citizen. 

doing the Breast Cancer walk tomorrow morning on the other side of town ... kind of exciting! i love these walks - relay for life, breast cancer walk, all kinds. its fun.

going to new york for new years again this year! cant wait. i am sooo excited i love ny !!! obviously :O) 

and i got the new Killers CD .. i freakin love them. loooooooooooooooooove them. if you havent gotten it yet, GO NOOOOW!!!
Current Music: the killers - reasons unknown

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September 22nd, 2006

06:28 pm

tomorrow is my birthday! woohoo the big 22 ... cant wait. last year, on my 21st, only me and julie and tuccitto went out - this year everyones going out and we're "redoing" my 21st .... so desi is picking me up and taking me to an undisclosed location, blindfolded, and from there we are going to another undisclosed location and then yet another. finishing the night off at EMPIRE LATE NIGHTS i cant freakin wait. that means we will stroll in arond 7am sunday morning. i am sooo excited.  and today - i treated myself to a mani and pedi, and i decided to be dangerous and paint all my nails red. it looks fabulous. have i told you how excited i am?! :)
i felt so good today - i got to do a Rec for a lovely lady for Sigma Kappa.. i feel like an actual alumna doing that :)

wel thats all... i have to take a lovely psych test and run to the mall and find some earrings for tomorrow :) cant wait!

Current Mood: excitedexcited
Current Music: the birthday song

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